Announcer: You've worked hard this week, too hard, much too hard, and frankly no one understands you, or even seems to try. That's why it's time to turn off your cel phone and curl up with a wacky American T.V. couple you can really relate to -- Ronald and Edna. Oh, don't worry about the kids. They can take care of themselves!
Edna: Ronald, if you think I'm going to waste my time with some quack who can quote "help" quote "us" with our quote "problems", you've got another thing coming!
Ronald: She's not a quack, Edna, for your information she's a Highly Respected Expert in the field of PAC-MAN therapy!
Edna: "PAC-MAN therapy?"
Ronald: That stands for Psychological Assertiveness Counseling for Marital Alliance Nuturing. Dr. Cooper is the award-winning author of the award- winning book "Take That Power Pill" and if you'd just give it a chance, for once, you wouldn't be so hostile!
Edna: Hostile? Oh, so I'm being hostile? Well, frankly if you'd listen to me for one second of your life you'd know that the last thing I need at this point in my very, very busy career which frankly I should be doing something about right now instead of having this so-called "conversation" with you, is someone to tell me I'm being hostile!
[cel phone rings]
Edna [extremely cool and businesslike]: Hello, EdnaCom here. Yeah. Yeah. No. Listen, tell them 20 percent isn't enough. No. No, it's not enough. Uh huh? I see. But that's 17 and a half percent. No, I said: 20 percent isn't enough.
Little Timmy: Mommy?
Edna [still on the phone]: Well I understand that. Look, I'll tell you what. You can give us your measly 17 and a half percent, and we'll just make sure you never work on Wall Street again. No, that's not a threat. No, I'm just saying. Sure Larry, see you later. Love ya.
Little Timmy: Mommy, can I go play with Little Jimmy?
Edna: Whatever, Timothy, ask your spineless, mousy father.
Therapist: When Ronald and Edna first came to me I realized that their problem was, well, bluntly, that Mrs. -- to protect their identities let's call them the "Q. Publics" -- Mrs. Q. Public is what we call a workaholic. Her career is, well, in broad sweeping terms, a shade more important to her than her relationship with her son, Little Timmy Q. Public. When speaking with them I attempted to have Mrs. Q. Public visualize her addiction to work as, if you will, a ghost which was pursuing her through the maze of life.
Therapist: So you see Edna, your responsibilities at work -- well, they're not unlike ghosts which you feel are coming after you through dotted corridors, and you're unable to outrun them so you feel you are constantly turning corners, turning away from your son.
Edna: What? Ronald, how much are we -- am I -- paying for this joke?
Ronald: Edna, you're being very aggressive and I think you should try to listen to what Dr. Cooper is saying.
Edna: Well I happen to find that highly ironic Ronald, because if you listened to this charlatan for one second you would be reaching for the coin return slot, if you know what I'm saying!
Therapist: That's very good Edna, I think you're making progress.
Edna: Oh, Great! Now I'm making progress! I don't believe this.
Little Timmy: Daddy, can I have some more popcorn?
Therapist: Let's turn to you for a second, Mr. Q. Public. How do you feel about what Mrs. Q. Public just said to you?
Ronald: Frankly doctor, it's a real improvement over the faxes I normally get from her lawyers ... [bursts into tears]
Therapist: That's very good Mr. Q. Public, get it out into the open ... clear out the maze ...
Little Timmy: Mommy, can I have some more popcorn?
Edna [sweetly]: Timothy! Yes, certainly, we'll pencil that into the FY 98 budget.
Little Timmy: Mommy, what's a budget?
Edna: It's a special way Mommy pays for everything you do.
Little Timmy: That sounds nice!
Ronald: Edna, you dirty rotten scheming manipulative power-hungry corporate mega-conglomorate, how could you do this to me? You're never nice to Little Timmy at home!
Therapist: Go ahead Mr. Q. Public, take that power pill. You can clear the maze and go on to the next level!
Ronald: Edna, you're not a good mother, you're -- you're Clyde, and I'm going to come after you and consume you and your eyes are going to return to the little chamber in the center of the maze and I'll be able to get that bunch of raspberries after all!
Therapist: Very good!
Edna: That's the last straw Ronald, I'm leaving! And I'm taking Little Timmy with me -- to the office!
Little Timmy: I like offices.
Ronald: But Edna! I was just making a breakthrough!
Edna: Not with my quarters, you aren't. Game over!
Little Timmy: Bye daddy!
[walks out the door]
Ronald [in tears]: What am I going to do now, Doctor? I'll never get out of this maze.
Therapist: Forget mazes, Ronald. I want you to picture yourself on a street. It's a dirty street with overturned garbage cans and debris, in front of a row of run- down apartment buildings. Suddenly you're attacked by burly men with spiked collars and tattoos who fly in from the left and the right, executing abrubt, jerky kicks and jabs. And yet the whole time you feel that you're flat, two- dimensional, that you can only turn to the left or the right ...
[video game sounds ...]