Edna Enjoys the Beautiful Autumn Leaves
[phone rings. Edna answers it]
Edna: Megacorp international, this is Edna.
[pause]
Ronald! I told you never to call me at work!
[pause]
Yes, of course I remember that, Ronald. What in the world makes you
think I don't? And what makes that important enough for you to call
me when I'm right in the middle of preparing slides for a Very
Important Presentation for the Board of Directors. I should never have
given you my cell-phone number!
[pause]
Yes, I know the weather is wonderful. But for your information
Ronald, I haven't left this air-conditioned office complex in 36
hours, so the only reason I know what the weather is like is because I
saw it on CNN! I'm working very hard Ronald, and it's so someday you
and I can go on vacation to a B&B in the foliage district. But that
isn't going to be until fiscal year 1998, Ronald, and fiscal year 1998
isn't even ever going to happen unless I get these slides done!
[pause]
Well of course little Timmy said that Ronald, he's too young to
understand that if I quote stopped to smell the autumn leaves unquote,
I'd have to do it with a pink slip in my hand! Besides, I'm allergic
to leaves, Ronald. Or are you too lost in your own little world to
remember all those trips to the allergist. Trips I paid for with my
own money!
[pause]
Can I talk to Timmy? Is that too much to ask?
[short pause]
OK.
[short pause]
[businesslike] Timmy, this is Mommy. Listen, Mommy's very busy at
work right now but she just wants you to know that when she comes home
she'll have a brand new Atari 32,768 with Super Chico Esquela 95
pre-installed.
[short pause]
So you also want Robot Assasins VR? Sure. No problem. OK can I talk
to Daddy now?
[pause]
Ronald, it's about time that you learned Once and For All that Real
Life isn't one of your cheap romance novels. It's about compromise!
Period!
[pause]
Oh, so I'm being hysterical? Well some of us have a right to be
hysterical, Ronald, some of us have our noses to the grindstone
instead of buried in the sand! We can't just flit about enjoying the
autumn leaves without a care in the world because this is when our
quarterly reports are due, our vacation days have run out, our sick
leave is in deficit, and the proverbial kaka is hitting the proverbial
fan and some of us can stand the heat, so we're staying in the frying
pan!
[pause]
Do you think I like that, Ronald? Do you think I like making six
digits? You're damn right I like making six digits!
[pause]
Look Ronald, my mascara is running onto my first slide and I've only
got ten minutes until my presentation! If you really think that the
beautiful autumn leaves are so important that I'm going to put my
entire career on the line to look at them for an hour and a half on a
Monday, in the middle of a corporate merger, I suggest you go do that
with Rachel Johnson, who you seemed to be so interested in at our
cocktail party last week!
[slams down the phone]
[shouting] Cindy! Hold all my calls!